The Den Population 27
Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips (As Told by Catherine Briggs)
Hey Survivor,
Welcome back to The Den, one of the safest places in this wild apocalypse called life, where we talk horror, apocalyptic fiction, and, of course, zombies! I hope you’re holding up on your side of the apocalypse.
I’m healing up slowly. I just had my first day of physical therapy. Some days have been harder than others. I didn’t even get to celebrate Women in Horror Month, so I’m just going to keep the celebration going all April long on my Instagram and TikTok. Speaking of TikTok, I have a new goal to reach 5,000 survivors (or followers) on there. If you aren’t following me yet, today is a good day to change that. And if you want me to follow you back, just DM me "Survivor," and I’ll make sure it happens.
Anyway, today I’m handing The Den over to the woman who pretty much started this whole show. It’s time for Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips with Catherine Briggs. Take it away, Catherine:
Thank you, little man, who tries to ruin my life daily. You’d think he’d be less happy to see me after killing my husband and best friend, but clearly, he’s insane.
I am Catherine Briggs, former Lieutenant in the Army, daughter of a drill sergeant, and, most importantly to you, an apocalypse survivor. And if you keep your head on a swivel, hide your food from your companions, and listen to everything I tell you, you might survive too. Or you might get kidnapped by clowns, it’s honestly a coin toss at this point.
I’m not going to bore you with the definition of a zombie apocalypse. The dead come back, and there’s no more Netflix or DoorDash. It’s a dark time. The best thing to do before that dark time is:
1. Have a Plan
Does it have to be about zombies? No. Having a plan for any emergency is a good idea. Now, I know what you’re thinking:
"Catherine, you didn’t have a plan. Your husband left you."
First of all, mind your damn business. Second, we did have a plan. We always knew that if things got bad, whether it was a government collapse, a random pandemic, or a zombie outbreak, we’d go to Savannah, GA, to stay with Robert’s mom. So, after they ‘left me,’ I knew exactly where to find them.
My only issue was transportation, which brings me to my next tip…
2. Get a Fu@king Car!
I don’t care if it’s electric, runs on corn oil, or drinks holy water. Get something that moves. The worst thing in the apocalypse is losing your transportation. I lost two cars: one went into the river, the other was stolen.
Walking takes too long, and you’re out in the open. Don’t let The Walking Dead fool you; it’s not always empty roads and quiet towns. Sometimes, the dead just sit and wait; sometimes, they’re trapped behind doors, ready to break out the second you stroll into town.
A car is:
Transportation (obviously)
Shelter (when you have nowhere else to go)
Storage (extra food, weapons, and, if you’re smart, a spare pair of socks)
A Weapon (because I will hit a deadhead in a heartbeat)
Bonus Tip: Choose a car that blends in. A flashy sports car is cool, but you know what’s cooler? Not getting jacked five minutes into the apocalypse.
3. Bang Bangs
I won’t force anyone to get a gun, but pulling a trigger is a lot faster than swinging a bat. Headshots are the way to go, but for those who don’t like guns, here are a few weapons I enjoy that anyone can handle in the apocalypse:
Machetes – Good for up close. Just make sure you’ve got the arm strength to swing it without getting stuck.
Crowbars – Heavy, durable, and useful for more than just killing. You can break into places or pry open supplies.
Hatchets – A little more versatile than a machete, plus it won’t get dull as quickly.
Your Own Two Feet – If all else fails, learn how to run. Some fights aren’t worth it.
Bonus Tip: Crossbows and bows are cool, but you ain’t Legolas. Ammo is hard to make, and retrieving arrows from a zombie skull? Not fun. But if that’s your skill, go with it, but it’s not for me yet.
4. They’ve Been Bitten… Now What?
If we’re in a close fight with the dead, we should all pat each other down and check for bite marks. But some people like their privacy, so here are ways to tell if someone’s infected:
They’re sweating a lot. Yes, Georgia summers are hot, but this isn’t normal sweat. It’s flu sweat, sticky, clammy, and just wrong. Check them for bites.
They stop eating. Look, we’re all hungry. If someone refuses food or gets sick while eating, red flag.
Emotional rollercoaster. If someone suddenly gets extra angry, weirdly distant, or starts saying ‘I love you’ like they’re about to walk off a bridge… check for bites.
They act shady. They're hiding something if they wait for everyone to leave before changing clothes or start avoiding people.
They bite you. …Yeah, by then, it’s too late. Either they got bit, or they read too much dark romance. Either way, keep an eye on them. Well, if you’ve already bit, I guess you don’t need to watch them, go find your escape plan and load it.
5. Be Prepared to Bury Someone
Not everyone is going to make it. It’s a terrible truth, but it’s the truth.
Your partner might not make it. Your best friend might not make it. You might be alone for a while.
Don’t hate yourself. Don’t get lost in what you could have done differently. The apocalypse is already trying to kill you. Don’t help it. Instead, get used to carrying a shovel because survival means putting things in the ground, be it zombies, bad memories, or people who didn’t make it.
Bonus Tip: Learn to say goodbye fast. Mourning is human, but lingering gets you killed.
6. Be Ready to Change
You are not the same person you were when the world ended. You can’t be.
Some people won’t handle that well. They’ll cling to who they used to be, to what the world told them they were. But you have to let go. The people in this world need you as you are now.
So wake up. Adapt. Accept who you are, or lay down and die. I can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.
Well, that’s all I got for you. I’m gonna hand it back to the psychopath who writes these books.
Umm… thanks? Maybe I should have asked Peter or Rachel to do this. I didn’t think she’d go so dark with all that grave talk, but we’ll move past it.
Thanks for being part of The Den! I’m writing Planet Dead 4 this year and will release it chapter by chapter to The Inner Den. Sign up today if you want the first peek at Catherine’s next adventure (I guess that’s the word?).
As Always…
Stay safe. Stay woke. Stay alive.
Until the Next Nightmare,
—Sylvester
